Like A Tennis Ball Through A Cheerio
by galaxyeyed
Summary: Brittany learns something very important from substitute Holly Holiday. Slight spoiler for 2x15 Sexy. Rated T for sex talk.


This came from me reading a spoiler about the glee episode coming out tomorrow the eighth of March. SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER FOR AN UNAIRED EPISODE! READ NO FURTHER IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO READ A SPOILER FOR Glee 2x15 Sexy.

Okay, you're still reading. The spoiler is Brittany finds out where babies come from. This is just what my crazy brain came up with upon hearing that. Rated T for sex talk.

* * *

"...And that's where babies come from." Holly finished her lecture with a nod. Santana and Brittany were sitting by each other in the choir room, along with the rest of the Glee club. Santana smirked at the faces of the glee club members, all of them slightly shocked at how... descriptive the blonde substitute had been. Prudes. Holly eagerly turned to look at Will, hoping to see an expression of approval, but the Glee club coach crossed his legs and cleared his throat, his face flushed.

"Ummm, okaaaaaaay! Any questions?" He asked the glee club members. Brittany's hand shot into the air. She bounced up and down in her plastic chair, pointing to herself with her other hand.

"Me!" she stage whispered. "Pick me Ms. Holiday!" The substitute pointed at Brittany who smiled and began to speak.

"I think you made a mistake Ms. Holiday. Babies come from the stork." Brittany's eyes were wide and bright and innocent. But Holly knew she couldn't let the poor misinformed girl continue thinking what she did.

"Brittany, where do you think the stork babies come from? Storks can't make human babies."

"No, of course not Ms. Holiday. God gives them to the storks in little baskets." Holly shook her head.

"Sweetheart, babies go in through penises and come out through the vagina," Puck snickered at the v word, earning himself a glare from Rachel and Quinn. "There are no storks involved, babies are too heavy to be carried by birds anyhow."

"But that CAN'T be true Ms. Holiday. Where would the baby come out?" Brittany asked.

"The vagina Brittany." Puck snickered again, this time earning additional glares from the rest of the Glee club. He quickly shut up at the look of Lauren's ready to throw some punches face.

"I'm sorry Ms. Holiday, but I don't know what that is." Holly sighed before preparing to explain, bracing herself for Puck's reaction. Before she could answer, Santana whispered something in the ear of the ditzy blonde, and her eyes grew wide.

"No! No Ms. Holiday! Isn't that where you pee? And there's no way a baby could come out there! It's too small! It would be like trying to push a tennis ball through a cheerio! And wouldn't that hurt so very bad?" Brittany but her lip, the idea that something that size would be forced through a place so small horrifying. Quinn spoke up.

"It does hurt Brittany, but it gets bigger so the baby fits out." Brittany shook her head in disbelief.

"Three fingers barely fit in me! How would a baby come out! What if it got stuck Ms. Holiday! What if it just got stuck halfway, because it was just too big to fit!"

"That's what were trying to prevent, young girls getting pregnant before they're ready. It's good that you don't want any children right now, because your too young. No offense Quinn." Quinn nodded in understanding, but Brittany frowned.

"I thought being pregnant was just a sign you were ready for the stork to give you the baby! Then you could always give it back if you didn't want it. Are you saying it actually grows inside you? Like a tumor?" Brittany wrapped her arms around her stomach.

"Hahaha, not like a tumor exactly Brittany. I actually have a video for you and the rest of New Directions."

A small television had been earlier rolled into the room on a cart. Holly pressed a few buttons and the video began: A Nine Month Journey, From Beginning to End.

Holly sat at the back of the room, conversion with Will just about anything really, stopping every so often to look over at the kids.

At first, the video was pretty unremarkable, just a bunch of ladies getting pregnancy tests and stuff. But after about fifteen minutes, there was an animation to show one lady's child's development. Brittany let out a squeak and whispered to Santana. "Is that the baby?" the Latina nodded. "It looks like an alien."

Brittany winced and grimaced every time an animation of an unborn child showed on screen. The rest of the New Directions all had different thoughts racing through their mind. A tear dripped silently down Quinn's cheek. Rachel wondered what it must have been like for her mother to be pregnant and know you wouldn't be raising the baby. Santana put her arm around the shuddering Brittany.

A chorus of groans, heaves, "ew"s, gags and other noises of repulsion erupted from the group as the birth began. For five minutes of the movie, all there was were clips of a bloody mass being expelled out a cavernous vagina. Brittany moaned and covered her eyes. Artie whispered, "That shit is nasty. Hell."

Quinn was unfazed. Finn had a frown. Sam really hadn't been watching. He was squeamish. Santana threw a finger into the air and snapped at the glee club sitting in front of her, "Ugh, there are more babies and women in this room than in the movie. Grow some nuts and get over yourself cuz I'm sa bouts ta beat ya." Santana, with her, effervescent personality (note the sarcasm dripping onto the floor), did not get any acknowledgement from the group.

Puck nudged Lauren. "I promise you I won't make that happen to you if you'll just get with me." Lauren gave him a condescending look.

"Like with Quinn? I'm not stupid, I know how these things work. And the video didn't faze me at all. But all the whining those people were doing made me hungry."

"That doesn't even make any sense," Tina spoke to the girl sitting behind her.

"Your clothes don't make sense bitch, but I don't say anything about it." Lauren retorted.

"Oho Kay!" Mr Schuester waved his arms in a way that was supposed to magically dissipate the tension and end the fight. When he realized this was impossible, he dismissed the club.

* * *

Later that day, on the phone...

"Kurt! Kurt! Did you know where babies come from! I learned today. Does your boyfriend know? I can teach him!" Brittany spoke eagerly over the phone. She was a pain, but Kurt couldn't help but think she was adorable. He was about to explain to her that he and Blaine were just friends, when he got an idea.

"Blaine! Brittany wanted to tell you something!" Kurt called to the boy who was doing homework at a table in the common room. Blaine closed his book and went over to where Kurt was sitting on a lounge chair.

"Brittany is..." he asked Kurt.

"Stripper girl from the party."

"Oh Lord. What did she want to tell me?"

"Ask her." Kurt smiled innocently. He could only hear mumbling on Brittany's end, but Blaine didn't speak. He was too busy making strangled noises and blushing. Was this girl for real. Jesus. Brittany hung up after telling Blaine EVERYTHING. "Wow," he croaked, handing the phone back to Kurt. "Why did you do that to me?"

"Wanted to see your reaction." Kurt shrugged.

"God," Blaine exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck. "You said she was a ditz, but that girl could be a writer. That was... detailed."

"Oh, the people I know." Kurt sighed hugging himself. He felt a buzz from his phone, and unlocked it to read the text.

"Kurt," Brittany had texted him. "Make sure your boyfriend doesn't get you pregnant. Where would your baby come out?"

* * *

Random random random. But I couldn't not write. I wanted it up before the episode. Sorry about the grossness, but the whole pregnancy thing makes me grossed out. If you would like to see more writing by me, better stories, or request a story of your own, please visit my profile.


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